I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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