lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
