I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
