Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
