Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
