We named our party play list daddy issues
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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