My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
