Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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