Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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