True but thats because hes a fetus.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
