OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize