The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
