Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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