just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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