Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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