I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
