There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Terrible idea I love it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
