I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize