i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
