9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize