Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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