why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
