her vagina looked like bernie madoff
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
