cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
