OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
