Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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