p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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