Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was confusing and full of hummus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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