I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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