Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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