So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
