If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
