Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
