If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she peed on how many people?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
