i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
