I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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