Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize