Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
