You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
