are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
