when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
