he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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