Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize