So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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