i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
