I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize