My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
