I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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