Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
