Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
