No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
