I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
