Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
