If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
