Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
