I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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