I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
