There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize