need another drink. this is the easiest way
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
