It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The beer is more important than you right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
