Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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