The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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