the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she woke up with a sticky ear
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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