talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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