There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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