Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
