The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
