Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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